


Fragments

by silverhuntress101



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Gen, Stanford Era (Supernatural), Stanford Student Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:34:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25352494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverhuntress101/pseuds/silverhuntress101
Summary: Sam at Stanford and Dean on the road. How the boys are so far apart but are still missing each other. My take on how the four years went by.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & John Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	Fragments

**Author's Note:**

> I always wanted more of Stanford era stories and so I wrote a little something. Enjoy!

**January 24th, 2002**

**Ross’s house, Palo Alto**

“Sam!” Jess yells at him from across the living room. She is gesturing at him with her hands and from the looks of it, she seems a little tipsy. Sam doesn’t hold it against her, they are after all celebrating her birthday. Sam laughs and walks over to the fireplace where she is standing. He is a little buzzed himself. She starts blabbing to him almost instantly, he is only half paying attention. He is more in awe as to how this beautiful girl decided to go out with him; it took him a while to finally pluck his courageand ask her out. They have been dating for almost three months now and Sam has never been happier. He stares at her too bright blue eyes, stares at those lips. Her upper lip is a perfect cupid’s bow and Sam gets to kiss them. He leans forward and does just that. She breaks off and laughs. She gives him a mischievous smile and tugs him into the bedroom by his belt hoop. Sam feels his blood sing in his veins, but the nagging voice at the back of his mind rears its ugly head. _Liar, liar, she doesn’t really know who you are._

_Shut up_. Sam thinks savagely.

**The Vulcan, Ohio**

Dean is so drunk he almost trips when he goes to the washroom. One of the lightbulbs is broken and it’s flickering so the washroom looks like something out of a horror movie. He sees a movement out of the corner of his eyes. Rats. He thinks to himself and shudders a little. He looks at himself in the mirror. His cheeks are red, his face is flushed and he feels a hysterical giggle rise up in his throat. He grins at the mirror, his smile looks too feral. His eyes look vacant, like his body is here but there is no life in them. He stops smiling immediately. He is stuck in this town till tomorrow, his dad had to go and meet a friend for their next job. His dad didn’t even remember. He doesn’t really blame his dad though. He feels the insane urge to laugh again, except nothing is funny. He goes out to the bar he decided to spend his night in. He saunters to the pool table and gestures at the poor guy he has been hustling. He takes a swig of his beer and puts the tip of the cue to the table.

“Come on, another round for the birthday boy?” He doesn’t really blame his brother either. Both of them never really needed anyone. He looks at his phone on the table. It was silent.

**November 2nd, 2002**

**The Breadsticks, California**

The place was too fancy, the floor almost gleamed. Sam shifts in the chair in his too tight shirt. He still doesn’t know what he is doing here. He certainly doesn’t belong here. All his friends are, well, rich. And he was not. It was Ross’ birthday and they decided to come to this very posh restaurant to celebrate. Jess looks beautiful in her blue dress but it still doesn’t make him feel calm. It was November 2nd of course, his mother’s death anniversary. Not that it really mattered. His family didn’t ever drive up to Lawrence to put flowers on his mother’s grave, they just melted more silver into bullets while his dad lost himself to whiskey. He feels the resentment in his heart solidify. He looks at Jess and smiles. This is it now. They are all a little tipsy when they get out. They took full advantage of the expensive champagne. Harvey and Donna are singing a rendition of Tiny Dancer by John Elton. Saying they are singing would be generous, Sam thinks and giggles. Ross looks at him and that starts him off. Soon enough everyone else joins. They are almost to their car when Sam feels it. In a second he is aware, his hunter senses kicking in so fast it surprises him. The shadows on either side of their group solidifies into two men. One of them is armed with a small pistol, a 9mm to be exact. The other one has a wicked looking knife. Helen gives a little squeak of surprise and backs into Sam. He feels Jess’s hands tighten on his arm. He slowly detaches her hand and walks forward towards the two men. He raises his hand in surrender.

“Hey, look we don’t want any trouble.” The mugger close to him brandishes the knife at his face. “Alright, pretty boy, hand over everything you have on you and your lady friends too. All the shiny, shiny jewelry. Now.”

Sam nods like he is terrified. “We will, we will. Just don’t hurt us.” He trembles his hands to make it more convincing. The mugger with the gun laughs and comes near his face. He was inches away from Sam now. Idiot, gotcha now. Sam thinks and catches the arm holding the gun and twists it hard. The man lets go of the gun with a grunt of pain, it clatters to the ground. Out of the corner of his eyes he sees Ross jumping on the other guy who was holding the knife. He knew Ross can handle himself, he concentrates on the piece of filth in front of him. Sam punches him hard and the guys drops to the floor like a sack of flour.

They call the police and in a few minutes they are on the scene. Jess is on the phone with her mom, telling her what happened, he sees Harvey talking to a cop. He pulls his phone out and scrolls down to D; his fingers hover around the name. He wants to call, just tell his brother what happened. Sam looks up, looks at Jess and his friends. They look shaken but they were going to be fine. These things happen. Sure they were calling their family; but he was a Winchester. They don’t call each other after a mugger tries to attack them. His fingers are itching to dial the number, his mind is telling him he needs to hear that voice. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, it hurts almost, like an ache in his heart, how much he sometimes needs Dean. He lets out the breath and puts the phone back in his pocket. _You don’t need him, you don’t need him, you don’t need him._

**Random Parking Lot.**

The rain is coming down hard now, it is blurring Dean’s vision slightly. The four men in front of him look angry. As well as they should. Not only did he hustle them beyond imagination he also flirted with one of their girlfriends’. Of course his mouth was going mile a minute too. He didn’t hold back, if he was in their place he would want to bash his face in too. Unlucky for them, Dean knew he could kick their asses and the little tiny fact that he was looking for a fight. To feel something. Anything, besides the hollow pain that doesn’t ever go away. He beckons them with his hand

“I know I am pretty, but are you really gonna just stand there all night?”

The man closest to him explodes in action. He sees the right hook coming from a mile away but he lets the hit land on him anyways. His head snaps to the side and he feels his mouth fill up with blood. He probably bit his tongue. The pain helps him to focus. Dean spits out the blood and his fists goes flying. He feels alive, his mind just focusing on the best way to hurt these people. Maybe he could just transfer his ache on them; these stupid unaware people and their blissful lives. He hates them. In a few minutes the fight is over. He looks down at his hand, the knuckles are split, blood is oozing through the cuts and he feels his stomach churn. The rain keeps falling from his lashes like tears.

He blindly makes his way to the motel room. He pushes open the door to the room and stops. His dad is sitting on the chair. Dean thought he was gone to some bar. Apparently not. His dad looks up at him when he gets inside, doesn’t say anything to him.

“You should see the other guys.” Dean smirks. His dad shakes his head and gets up.

“Sit down, smart ass.” So he wasn’t angry. That’s a relief. His dad comes back with the first aid kit and gestures at him to sit on the little table they have. John doesn’t say anything, just cleans the wound meticulously. It stings but Dean doesn’t say anything either. He dad finally gets to the cut on his cheek, it burns and Dean flinches.

“Please, don’t tell me it’s gonna scar.” John rolls his eyes “I don’t think that’s gonna stop you anyways.” Dean grins.

John holds his chin in his hand and looks at him.

“Why do you do this?”  
“They brought the fight to me! It’s not my fault they didn’t realize they were being hustled.” John sighs.

“Dean, don’t okay? You can’t. You just can’t. Not today.” His dad breaks off and looks away. Dean feels like a four year old all over again; when he broke that vase and his dad had this same look on his face. But his mom just touched his face. He sees blonde hair and her soft gentle smile. He can’t seem to remember her voice though. His dad looks back at him, his eyes look so sad. Dean feels his lower lip tremble and he clamps down on it hard.

“Go to sleep Dean. You will be just fine.”

**June 4th, 2004**

**Basketball court.**

Sam doesn’t even remember getting hit, doesn’t even remember falling to the ground. Just feels this blinding pain at the back of his head and then nothing. When he wakes up he forgets where he is. He doesn’t know what happened. The lights are too bright and his head is splitting open. He moans and immediately feels a hand touching his shoulder. He tries to open his eyes but shuts them when the light hits his eyes. Too much.

“What- what happened?” He croaks out. He feels hands lifting his neck and a straw touching his lips. He drinks the water almost greedily.

“Sam, Sam. You just hit your head. We all totally freaked out.” A voice says.

“What we? Dean what are you talking about?” Silence. Sam feels his heart constrict. Did something happen? What were they hunting? Was Dad okay? Why can’t he remember anything?

“Dean? What is it? Is Dad okay?” He forces his eyes to open. The guy in front of him has blonde hair but that’s definitely not Dean. He looks to his side and sees this beautiful girl standing, looking stricken and worried. He feels this bubble of panic rising in his throat. Where was his brother? _Where, where, where?_

“Dean? Where is he? Is he okay? Take me to my brother now!” The heart monitor goes crazy. He sees the girl press a button and a nurse is rushing into the room. He feels a prick and then he slips into unconsciousness again.

The second time he wakes up, Sam is aware of what happened. They were playing basketball and Ross pushed him too hard and he smacked his head on the pole. Jess is sitting on the chair beside his bed. She looks up at him, her eyes searching his face. Sam smiles at her. “Hey, gave you quite a scare huh?” She grins at him and throws her arms around him.

Later when they are all home and watching tv, they tell him what happened when he woke up the first time.

“So, who’s Dean?” Helen asks him and Sam freezes. Jess is looking at him. He only just told her about his brother, his friends don’t really know anything and he can feel their curious gaze on him. “Well he is my older brother. Why do you ask?”  
Harvey clears his throat and says. “You were kind of freaking out. Asking about your brother and well you don’t really talk about them, hell Helen didn’t even know you had a brother.”  
“Oh, I don’t know why I was so freaked out, I did hit my head pretty hard, I was just disoriented. Thanks for that Ross.” Everyone laughs and Ross speaks up. “Dude, I am so sorry. And guys don’t ask him about his family. We know he doesn’t like like it and well there is nothing much to tell I suppose. Some families don’t get along. It happens, they just aren’t close.”

Sam feels the smile freeze on his face, he feels a little like a broken china doll only held together by lies. He is looking at the screen, his friends, however, seem satisfied with the answer. But Sam feels hollow. Not close? How does he explain what Dean means to him, how does he explain Sam and Dean? _Dean. Oh, how does he explain Dean? Dean and his razor sharp mouth and his ever consuming love?_ He looks down and sees Jess looking at him. She doesn’t say anything but her eyes are sad. Sam looks back at the screen and digs his fingers into his palm.

**Sioux Falls, South Dakota.**

Dean hears the breath whistling in and out of his nose. That doesn’t sound normal. There is this blinding pain at his side. The djinn managed to stick a knife into his side before Dean killed it. So sloppy, he thinks to himself now. He tries to get up and walk to his car but the the world tilts dizzily around him. _Shit, shit, shit._ He takes a deep breath and the pain at his side almost makes him black out. He opens his eyes wider and digs his hands in his pocket for his phone. He hits the number he was looking for.

“This better be important.” A gruff voice answers him. Dean sighs in relief.  
“Bobby, this is Dean.” He blurts out all the details and Bobby just tells him to hang on, that he is coming right away. He shuts his phone and stares upward. He can see the stars through the hole in the roof. It seems so far away. So distant. Like everyone in his life. He laughs and starts coughing immediately. When the pain subsides he opens his phone again. Without thinking he hits the dial button. Someones picks it up on the third ring.

“Hi, Sam’s phone.” A girl is giggling into the phone. From the sounds of it she is drunk.

“Is he there?” The girl laughs. “He is. He is celebrating you know? He got this award for being super smart. He is super smart, you know?” The girl is blabbing in his ears and Dean shuts her off and tries to focus on the background noise. He hears his brother laughing and he cuts the call. He sounds so happy. Away from them. Away from him. Dean looks at the sky again, wishing he could be a star too. Its looks so peaceful. He hears the growling engine of Bobby’s truck and closes his eyes. Lets the darkness take him away.

**24th December**

**Sam’s house.**

Sam is filtering through the house talking to everyone. This was their first Christmas party in this new house and Sam was giddy. He was actually being a host, asking everyone what they wanted to drink. They even have a Christmas tree! He is so excited, he is bouncing on the tips of his feet. Everything is so good in his life right now. He is done with his exams and he is pretty sure he aced them. He loves his wonderful friends and of course there is Jess. She looks radiant in her red dress and every time she turns to look at him, he feels his heart skip. He was looking at rings today, with Harvey. He is going to ask her to marry him. That is a certainty. And he really hopes she is going to say yes. Brady stops beside him and grins at him.

“So, Sam, Harvey told me you were looking at rings today.” He looks at Brady and smiles. He tells him the plan and Brady speaks up, “All perfect in little Sam’s life huh?”

Sam stops and looks at Brady, something flashed in his smile. It was too razor sharp and Sam feels his heart quicken. Like something horrible was about to happen. He doesn’t like the way Brady was looking at him. Paranoia, Sam thinks. Everything was fine. Harvey swings in to their conversation and Ross puts an arm around Brady.

“So who’s gonna be the best man?” Sam’s mind goes blank for a second. He looks at his best friends but his mind flashes to Dean. They are all looking at him, waiting for an answer and Sam thinks Dean. The name comes into his mind unbidden. He is surprised himself but it feels right. So right. Except Dean is a hunter, everything Sam tried to run so hard from. All Dean will bring is blood and destruction to his perfectly sheltered ordinary life. He grins at his friends. “None of you are worthy.”

Ross and Harvey immediately start protesting and talking over each other. But Brady is just staring at him, like he was disappointed in his answer. His eyes underneath the light look pitch black. He looks at Sam and says. “I guess we will just have to fix that huh?” Sam feels a shiver run down his spine.

**Mississippi**

Dean can feel the snowflakes melting in his hair, on his face. He shivers and turns on the heater. He is sitting in Baby, his hands are gripping the steering wheel a little too tight. He eases his grasp and tries to breathe. He feels like he is choking on something, feels his heart break just a little. So, Cassie just dumped him. He told her he loved her and she told him to get out. He was actually honest with her. He told her all about his life and she looked at him in horror. What else did he expect even? A hug? He was a freak. He only knew how to kill, he only knew how to hurt others. Who was ever going to love him when he didn’t even how to love anyone properly. Or maybe his love was just not enough. If he closes his eyes, he can still see furious brown eyes and he feels like screaming. The car door opens and Dean jumps. His dad just hands him the coffee wordlessly. He takes the cup and tries to ignore the way his fingers are shaking.

“Lets go to Bobbys’. The old man wants to have a Christmas dinner or something.” Dean just sighs.

“Dean? Did you hear me?” Dean nods. “Dean.” He looks up at his father. His eyes are the exact shade of Sam’s. His dad reaches back and hands him a parcel wrapped in brown paper. Dean unwraps it. It’s his dad’s leather jacket, neatly folded. “Merry Christmas kiddo.”Dean looks up and says. “I just got dumped.”

His dad grins. “My first girlfriend dumped me on our one year anniversary.” Dean laughs. “Is that your way of saying Winchester men just have really bad luck with woman?” John shakes his head and says. “You know it took me three tries before your mother actually agreed to go out with me? She was always just looking at me like I was a troubled kid. I wore her down though. It just means we don’t give up Dean. Ever.” Dean looks at his father “You were such a loser.”

His dad just stares at him open mouthed and then abruptly starts laughing. Dean feels his own lips stretch into a smile. Maybe he loved wrong, maybe he was a freak but he saves lives, kills monsters that most people would never dream of in their worst nightmares. That’s his destiny, his job and he is proud of that. And now he has a really cool leather jacket too.

**The apartment, June 2005**

Jess feels like she stepped in something that was scared and holy, like something she shouldn’t see, she felt like an intruder in her own home. Sam is rigid beside her, staring at his brother who broke into their home. She has never heard much about Dean, just few mentions of an older brother here and there. She would believe that they weren’t close if not for the fact that Sam once called her Dean when he was sick and unaware, if not for the fact that he begged to see his brother when he hit his head. She would have believed Sam if she hadn’t seen the little picture of them in his wallet, stashed behind the cards. She never told him she knew it was there and he never even brought it up. He pretended he was indifferent, pretended he didn’t care about his family. At first she blamed Dean, that maybe he did something to ruin their relationship. But now looking at Dean from across the room she wasn’t so sure anymore. Dean was looking at Sam like he couldn’t believe his eyes, he was taking in the whole house, the pictures on the mantelpiece. A life he wasn’t part of. As for Sam he was drinking in his brother almost, his eyes searching for something Jess didn’t know. They looked so different at first glance. Sam is all sharp angles and good manners and Dean feels like a sharp edge of a knife with those big green eyes that Jess knew he got from their mother. But if you look closely they seem to be standing the same way, their eyes alert and sharp. Jess looks at Sam and isn’t surprised to see him still looking at his brother. There was always so much anger when he talked about them, you had to love them a lot as well. After all you only get so angry at the people you love. He tells her he needs to go help his brother out, Jess feels lost and scared. Like she is losing Sam but before she can say anything to him, Sam is running out the door and he seems more alive than Jess has ever seen him. Two sides of the same coin, she thinks. She never understood their family and right now Jess thinks she can never be part of it. She feels sad but she thinks maybe this will be good for Sam. Maybe she can get to know Dean too. She was obviously not going to cut Sam any more slack when he comes back, she has her whole life to figure the Winchesters out. 


End file.
